Keegan the Cuddler

Over the past few weeks, Keegan has become quite the little cuddle bug. Everytime we pick him up his head goes right to our shoulders. He stays there for just a few seconds, then goes about getting from us what he wants. If we're sitting on the floor, he drops his head on our legs and just hangs out for a few seconds. Bedtime has become a sweet time as he wraps his little arms around my neck as I rock him to sleep. He really enjoys spending time with us- he's always crawling around us and on us and over us, and wants to be as close to us as possible. I love it!!

He's also getting ready to pop out some more teeth. He hasn't been sleeping well the past few nights and is drooling EVERYWHERE!!!! I should tie a bucket around his neck and I'd be able to water the lawn after him wearing it for five minutes. But he just smiles out of his drool-covered, little mouth and I don't even care that my carpet is covered in his mouth cooties :)

With all that he does everyday and all the adventures that he has, it's still hard to believe that we're a few weeks away from his first birthday!! We've ordered his gifts and have gotten his invitations for his party all ready to go. I can't wait to sing Happy Birthday to him, and tosee him eat cake, and to experience what a wonderful thing birthdays are... Getting ready over the next month will be lots of fun and will lead up to a great party.

I found this poster a few weeks ago online and it perfectly describes what I hope for in Keegan's litle life. I can only cross my fingers that he will have the most wonderful of adventures, and that I will be witness to them all!!!

A Mama's Heartstrings

As a woman I struggle with things everyday. I struggle with being happy at my job. I struggle with getting enough time in at the gym. Eating the right things. Getting enough "me" time in. Spending enough time with my husband. Being a good friend. Daughter. Sister.

As a Mom, my struggles are completely different. Am I feeding Keegan the right foods? Is he warm enough when he sleeps in foot-less jammies? Is the dog licking him too many times? Is his bath water too hot? Is he talking enough for his age? Is he sleeping enough? Should I read another book before bedtime? Two books?? But the thing I struggle with the most is knowing whether or not I'm spending enough time with him.

Drew and I knew tht when we had children that I would need to work. We found a wonderful daycare and I am grateful everyday that I have wonderful people looking after Keegan while I'm gone, but I hate that other people are looking after my child. My responsibility. My privledge. I hate that other people are witness to his actions, his babbles, his goods, his bads, before me. I hate that I am working ( a job I don't like) to pay someone else to be with my son all day long. To play with him, to feed him, to cuddle with him before nap time... I hate the feeling of guilt that sweeps over me everytime I walk away from him as I leave the daycare center to go to work. Picking him up at the end of the day is THE best part of my day.

I wonder if he notices my absence...I wonder if that bothers him...Does he know that I'm choosing to work? Does he appreciate why? I want him to know that I want to be with him all day, everyday, more than anything in the world. But I want him to go to college. And I want him to go to Disneyland. I want him to have wonderful birthdays. I want to take him on amazing family vacations. I want him to have gas in a car that takes him to spend time with his friends. I want him to have money to take his prom date out for a fantastic dinner. There are so many things I want for him, and losing my opportunity to give him those things by stopping working is not an option for me. If I want him to have all those things, then I need to continue providing a way for him to get those things. But.....I also want to take him to the park. I want to take him to the library, and to see his grandparents and aunts and uncles for lunch, and to have playdates with friends, and to surprise Daddy with lunch or coffee during the day... I want him to have me. I want him to know that I'm not working to avoid spending time with him. That if I could have my way, I would dream the winning lottery numbers, both Drew and I would come home, and we would play all day long, and watch cartoons all day long, and read books all day long and go hiking and fishing and biking all day long....

I often tell Drew that I feel like a step parent who has their children only on the weekends. I give my child to the parent who has them all day long, and I get the left over time and holidays when I'm available to be there. I ache for more time with my son. I yurn for more hours in the day to watch him play. To play with him. I want to communicate to him that I am doing what I believe I have to do right now, so that I can give him the best I possibly can, later.

I think that makes me a Mom.

A Winter Wedding

With all the excitment of the holiday season, I shouldn't have been surprised when I got a call from my mom on the 29th telling me that she and her sweetheart Butch were headed to the courthouse to get married...Actually, I had no reason to be surprised as I had been the one to suggest the idea.

Mom and Butch hace known each other for a bit mroe than a year now and it turns out that I knew one of his sons in high school. He has two boys, both of whom are married, and his youngest son, Justin, is awaiting the arrival of baby #3. They are wonderful boys and I've enjoyed getting to know them.

Butch is working at a car lot in Mountain Home and drive to and from work everyday from Twin Falls, an hour and a half drive when the roads are dry and the wind is calm. With him only having one day off a week currently, my mom had set it up that they would be married the Thursday that he was off, between Christmas and New Years, while my Grandma Pat was in town- needless to say, Nana was a little surprised to be the Matron of Honor while on vacation. Butch quickly agreed he night before and the next morning they set off to get flowers from Fred Meyer, get her ring polished, and then headed to the courthouse for their 1:00pm ceremony. Drew and I were able to get off work early and headed to Twin for a celebratory dinner. It was a nice evening with our new extended family and we look forward to more get togethers in the future! Congrats to the newlyweds!!

And so it begins....

Now that Keegan follows us from room to room on his hands and knees, we've had to start really using our cabinet locks to keep him out of certain places. Well of course, our little man found the cupboards that are not locked yet- that's my boy..... This is what I came upon the other night...

And this is quickly where it went. He was so curious and he just kept digging and digging farther into the cupboard to see what kind of treasures he could find.

It was great just watching him explore and to see all these things (pots, pans, silicone baking dishes) for the first time. I just now have to figure out how to lock a lazy susan cupboard and drawers :)

Some Mama Lovin'

I find that as I am usually the one behind the eye of the camera capturing all the cute and crazy moments of my family, there are rarely times when I am in the camera's eye. Drew has been picking up on this and grabbed the camera the other night out of the closet. I wasn't even paying attention, but am so glad he did what he did.

I love playing with Keegan and as he's reached his 10th month, his little boy personality is coming out and he is SOOOOO much fun. He walks around every table and sofa and playtoy that he can, has figured how to get down from the sofa when we get him up there, crawls at the speed of light, and talks, talks, talks, talks, talks. His favorite word is "Da da" and he says it all the time. He loves that Drew responds to him everytime he says it. He's said "Mama" twice but is in no hurry to say it again anytime soon.

He squeals when we lift him above our heads and swing him around. And when we bring him back down he buries his face in my neck and just giggles. I love it!!! I anticipate that as he becomes even more mobile that I will get my workout in without even trying. I will happily burn every calorie that my cute little boy helps me to burn as we continue along in our wonderfully fun adventures!